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First Lines I’m Glad I Didn’t Think Of

“Joanie seemed a bit full of herself and didn’t know the parts of speech.”

“Arabella awoke to hear the sound of her alarm ringing, and the phone in unison.”

“Although I was thoroughly shaken by the note, all sticky-taped to my bedroom window, in red ink and all, my wonder is how someone could’ve gotten it there when our house is halfway off a cliff?”

“The Civilization appeared very briefly in the avatar of an Late Archaic Human female, clad in a severely cut gray dress with black button-up shoes, gray hair tightly done up in a bun, and a pair of lenses attached to wire precariously perched on her nose.”

“Dolby was bored stiff, the kurakkan flour coursing through his veins, and he was excited.”

“They tried to pin a murder one me, little old me who couldn’t swat a fly. Not sober anyway. Actually, I couldn’t swat a fly drunk either.”

“It was a cold November Saturday, and the Butchers were sitting around, having nothing to do. The Butcher household was like every other household on Veasey Street, boring and bland, but they thought they were the center of civilization, at least in its blander times.”

“I like cows because of their color pattern… and other reasons!”

“Gee whiz,” thought Terence, as he watched the pack of vegetarian lions circle the stalled Land Rover, “time to renew my subscription to Illustrated Physics magazine.”

I do wish I had thought of this first line:

“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.” Sue Fondrie, winner of the 2013 Bulwer-Lytton Prize.

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